Do I worry that my child is gay? Never!

An open letter to MP David TC Davies who yesterday said that ‘I think most parents would prefer their children not to be gay’.

Dear David Davies,

This week my beloved son lost his house keys for the third time in as many months, this time irretrievably lost: ‘probably fell out of my pocket running for the bus’. In the past year he has lost two oyster cards (London travel cards), a debit card, a wallet, a mobile phone and all without even being mugged. Last week I attended a parents’ evening at which I was told in no uncertain terms that my son is on the way to being kicked off his course for complete failure to turn in a single decent piece of work in a whole term. Between the keys and the parent’s evening he has committed various small domestic crimes, leaving the gas on after making some beans on toast, failing to wash the grill pan after making some bacon, not flushing the loo. Rolling in at 11 in the morning a little the worse for wear after notionally being ‘grounded’ the night before, I could go on…

Do I sometimes feel despair? Yes I do – most days. Do I worry about whether my son will forever underachieve? Yes I do – most days. Do I dread the prospect of him living at home with me until I’m 75? Yes I do – most days. Do I worry that he will fail to grow up; never taking responsibility for his actions? Yes – ceaselessly. Is my existence a dreary pendulum swing between between murderous rage and maternal, heartbreaking concern? Yes it is. Do I wonder how on earth he will ever make a go of an adult long term relationship – given that he has a) questionable personal hygiene b) a seeming inability to think more than two seconds ahead c) a nonchalant disinterest in the notion of budgeting d) a complete lack of commitment to anything that he deems to be hard work, his favourite catch phrase being ‘I can’t be arsed’? Yes I do  –  all the time.

Do I worry that my son will be a victim of violent crime, be injured in a road accident or be diagnosed with a horrible illness? Yes – probably more often than is healthy.

Do I lie awake at night worrying about whether he’s gay? No I do not. Honestly. Hand on heart. Never!

Gay, straight, bisexual, if he can find happiness, give happiness and hitch up with someone who he can love and who can love him, someone to cook for and who will cook for him, to give pleasure and comfort to and who will give pleasure and comfort to him, to build a life together, and make a home, or travel the seven seas and not make a home, have children or have none – AMAZING.  I don’t care what sex they are or what gender. They can wear a suit or a tutu, live in a bungalow or a tree house. Ideally they’d be kind, interesting and have a GSOH.

However, I would find it hard to stomach it if his life partner was a racist, a misogynist or God forbid, a raging, unapologetic homophobe.

Yours,

xxx

Mother of adolescent sons.

This letter was sent in anonymously to protect the privacy of the teenage boy involved

PFLAG is an organisation that can offer support, information and advice to parents, friends and family of LGBT people

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